TIRCIA · General public
Four simple tools to calm your mind when everything speeds up
Safe place, container, grounding and the 10-minute pause: how to use them and what we know
By Marie-Agnès Thulliez · Author · Publishing Director12-minute read
Thoughts going round in circles, an emotion that floods everything, a sudden urge that takes over: at moments like these, you can feel like a mere passenger in your own mind. Therapists have long used simple exercises to press "pause". Here are four of them, explained step by step, with what research allows us to say about them, and what it cannot yet confirm.
At a glance
- These four exercises are emotion regulation tools, used in particular in cognitive behavioural therapy and in EMDR therapy.
- They help bring the intensity down in the moment; an anxiety disorder, trauma or an eating disorder also calls for treatment in its own right.
- Their specific effectiveness has been little studied, but they rest on well-documented mechanisms: mental imagery, deliberately postponing worries, attention to the present moment, and managing urges.
- Setting a thought aside to come back to it later helps more than trying to push it away: attempts at suppression tend to strengthen it.
1. Why such simple tools can help
When emotion rises, our ability to think calmly diminishes. We then try to "understand" or "fix" the problem at the worst possible moment, which often keeps the vicious circle turning. Regulation tools offer the reverse: calm down first, think afterwards. They draw on three well-known levers in psychology: mental imagery, which can evoke emotions almost as strong as reality; shifting attention; and creating a delay between impulse and action.
A word of caution to begin with: these tools are widely used in clinical practice, but few studies have evaluated each of them in isolation. What follows distinguishes what has been demonstrated from what comes from clinical experience.
2. Tool 1: the safe place
This visualisation exercise involves picturing a place, real or imaginary, associated with a feeling of calm and safety. It is used in the preparation phase of EMDR therapy, to install resources before working on difficult memories (Shapiro, 2018).
How to do it
- Close your eyes, or simply lower your gaze.
- Think of a place where you feel good and safe.
- Notice the details: what you see, the sounds, the colours, the temperature on your skin.
- Notice where in your body you feel this calm.
- Stay there for one or two minutes, breathing gently, then slowly come back to the room.
What we know: mental imagery triggers emotional and bodily responses close to those of a real experience, which explains why it can be soothing (Holmes and Mathews, 2010). The safe place as such has rarely been evaluated in isolation. For some people who have experienced trauma, it can instead stir up discomfort: in that case, it is adapted or another tool is chosen, ideally with a therapist.
For a more detailed version, see our article Stabilisation exercise: building your safe place.
3. Tool 2: the container
When thoughts go round in circles, this exercise helps create mental space. You imagine a sturdy container (a box, a chest, a safe) in which you place whatever is overwhelming you, to come back to it later, at a time of your choosing. It, too, is widely used in EMDR therapy to close a session or take a break (Shapiro, 2018).
How to do it
- Imagine a sturdy container, in as much detail as possible.
- Place in it the thoughts, images or emotions that feel too overwhelming.
- Close it with a lid, a key or a padlock.
- Tell yourself: "I'll take them out again later, when the time is right."
- Set yourself that time, and keep to it.
What we know: the idea is to put your thoughts away for a while, rather than trying to drive them out. Experiments by the psychologist Daniel Wegner showed that trying not to think about something (the famous "don't think of a white bear") often makes that thought more present (Wegner et al., 1987). The container is closer to deliberately postponing worries: you acknowledge the thought and decide to deal with it later. This "postponement" technique has been studied in cognitive behavioural therapy, with encouraging results for anxiety and sleep (Borkovec et al., 1983; McGowan and Behar, 2013).
4. Tool 3: "5-4-3-2-1" grounding
This sensory grounding exercise brings you back to the "here and now" when you feel swept away by a spiral of anxiety, an intense urge or a sense of drifting away.
How to do it
- Take a slow breath in through your nose, then breathe out slowly.
- Name 5 things you can see around you.
- 4 things you can touch (your clothes, the chair, the table).
- 3 things you can hear.
- 2 things you can smell.
- 1 thing you can taste, or one quality you appreciate in yourself.
What we know: this specific exercise has not been the subject of controlled trials. It rests on a principle shared by mindfulness approaches: directing your attention towards present sensations, rather than towards thoughts about the past or the future. Mindfulness-based therapies have shown moderate effects on anxiety (Hofmann et al., 2010). Grounding techniques are also used in dialectical behaviour therapy to cope with very intense emotions and moments of dissociation (Linehan, 2015).
5. Tool 4: the 10-minute pause
This strategy helps you manage a strong, urgent urge: to eat, smoke, drink, check your phone, send an impulsive message. It consists of creating a delay between the urge and the action.
How to do it
- When the urge comes, tell yourself: "I'm not deciding anything for 10 minutes."
- Set a timer.
- In the meantime, do something simple: walk, drink a glass of water, do one of the exercises above, or an activity that occupies your eyes and your attention.
- When the 10 minutes are up, take stock: has the urge eased? If it is still there, make a conscious decision about what you want to do.
What we know: urges (or cravings) rise, peak and then subside, like a wave. This is the idea behind urge surfing, proposed by the psychologist Alan Marlatt in his work on relapse prevention: observing the urge without giving in to it, rather than fighting it. A study of smokers showed that a brief instruction of this kind reduced cigarette consumption over the following days (Bowen and Marlatt, 2009).
The choice of activity also matters. According to "elaborated intrusion" theory, an urge feeds on mental images (the taste, the smell, the sensation). Occupying your visual imagery with something else makes it fade: in a real-world study, playing a visual game such as Tetris for a few minutes reduced the intensity of cravings for food, coffee or tobacco (Kavanagh et al., 2005; Skorka-Brown et al., 2015).
An important point
When food cravings are frequent, or come with binges (eating large amounts with a feeling of loss of control) or intense guilt, this may be an eating disorder. These disorders respond well to treatment, but they call for specialist support: talk to your doctor or a psychologist. In the UK, Beat offers information and support; in the US, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.
6. How to make the most of them
| Situation | Best-suited tool |
|---|---|
| Rising tension, a need to settle | The safe place |
| Thoughts going round in circles, too much at once | The container |
| Spiralling anxiety, a sense of "drifting away" | 5-4-3-2-1 grounding |
| Urgent craving, impulse | The 10-minute pause |
These tools are best learnt when you are calm, when all is well, so that they are available when emotion rises. A few minutes' practice a day is enough. They can also be combined with slow breathing, described in our article on anxiety.
Fictional case, composed from common clinical situations.
Sophie, 38, goes over the day's problems every evening and falls asleep late. With her psychologist, she practises the container: each evening, she "puts away" her worries in it and sets herself a fifteen-minute appointment at 6 pm the next day to think about them. In the first few days, the thoughts come back; after a few weeks, they intrude less, and her sleep improves.
What is established, and what is not
- Established: trying to drive a thought away often makes it come back more afterwards, with a small to moderate effect (Wegner et al., 1987; Abramowitz et al., 2001). Mindfulness-based therapies have moderate effects on anxiety (Hofmann et al., 2010).
- Well supported: mental imagery evokes emotional responses close to reality, and occupying your visual imagery lowers the intensity of cravings (Holmes and Mathews, 2010; Skorka-Brown et al., 2015).
- Encouraging, yet to be confirmed: deliberately postponing worries and "urge surfing", studied in small trials.
- Not evaluated in isolation: the safe place, the container and 5-4-3-2-1 grounding as specific exercises. Their use rests on clinical experience and on the mechanisms above.
- Limitation: these tools help with regulation in the moment; an anxiety disorder, trauma or an eating disorder also calls for treatment in its own right.
Frequently asked questions
Can these exercises replace therapy?
They complement therapy. They help you get through difficult moments and are often taught in therapy; an anxiety disorder, trauma or an eating disorder also calls for appropriate support.
What if an exercise makes me feel uncomfortable?
Stop, and come back to your breathing and to the room around you. Some visualisation exercises can reawaken difficult memories in people who have experienced trauma; it is then better to practise them with a professional.
How long before it works?
Some effects can be felt straight away, but effectiveness grows with regular practice, as with any learning.
In a nutshell
Calm down first, think afterwards: these four tools create micro-pauses that give you back some room for manoeuvre.
They are simple, safe for most people, and best learnt when you are calm. When difficulties persist, support remains essential. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (999 in the UK, 911 in North America, 112 in the EU). If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact a crisis line: 988 (US/Canada), Samaritans 116 123 (UK and Ireland), or find a local helpline at findahelpline.com. In France: 3114.
References
- Abramowitz, J. S., Tolin, D. F., & Street, G. P. (2001). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression: A meta-analysis of controlled studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(5), 683-703. Link
- Borkovec, T. D., Wilkinson, L., Folensbee, R., & Lerman, C. (1983). Stimulus control applications to the treatment of worry. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 21(3), 247-251. Link
- Bowen, S., & Marlatt, G. A. (2009). Surfing the urge: Brief mindfulness-based intervention for college student smokers. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 23(4), 666-671. Link
- Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), 169-183. Link
- Holmes, E. A., & Mathews, A. (2010). Mental imagery in emotion and emotional disorders. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(3), 349-362. Link
- Kavanagh, D. J., Andrade, J., & May, J. (2005). Imaginary relish and exquisite torture: The elaborated intrusion theory of desire. Psychological Review, 112(2), 446-467. Link
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
- McGowan, S. K., & Behar, E. (2013). A preliminary investigation of stimulus control training for worry: Effects on anxiety and insomnia. Behavior Modification, 37(1), 90-111. Link
- Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
- Skorka-Brown, J., Andrade, J., Whalley, B., & May, J. (2015). Playing Tetris decreases drug and other cravings in real world settings. Addictive Behaviors, 51, 165-170. Link
- Wegner, D. M., Schneider, D. J., Carter, S. R., & White, T. L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(1), 5-13. Link
This article offers general guidance, up to date at the date of publication. It is no substitute for the advice of a doctor, who alone can make a diagnosis, or for support from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
