TIRCIA · General public
Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor: understanding the drama triangle
What transactional analysis reveals about our relationships, and its limits
By Marie-Agnès Thulliez · Author · Publishing Director9-minute read
Why do we so often fall back into the same arguments, with the same people, as if everyone were reciting a part learnt in advance? Transactional analysis, founded by the psychiatrist Eric Berne in the 1950s, offers a simple framework for spotting these patterns. Its best-known tool, Stephen Karpman's drama triangle, puts words to three roles we take on without realising it: Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor. Here is what these ideas shed light on, how to use them, and what to bear in mind so as to use them in the spirit intended.
At a glance
- Transactional analysis describes three "ego states": Parent, Adult, Child.
- The drama triangle describes three roles, Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim, which people can take on in turn in a recurring conflict.
- The "Victim" role in this triangle is quite distinct from actually being a victim of violence or coercive control.
- These models are useful tools for understanding, but the drama triangle has been very little studied scientifically.
1. Parent, Adult, Child: three ways of relating
For Eric Berne, each of us moves from one "ego state" to another over the course of the day, that is, from one coherent way of thinking, feeling and behaving to another (Berne, 1964):
- The Parent brings together the rules, values and judgements absorbed from the authority figures of childhood. It can be nurturing ("look after yourself") or critical ("you should have known").
- The Adult observes the present situation, gathers information and decides on the basis of the facts.
- The Child carries emotions, spontaneity and creativity, but also the fears and adaptations learnt early in life.
An example: an unexpected remark at work. The Child may respond with shame ("I'm useless"), the critical Parent with reproach ("you should have seen it coming"). Returning to the Adult means calmly asking: "Is there any useful information in this remark?" Each state has its place: what matters is being able to choose the one that suits the situation.
2. The need for recognition
Transactional analysis calls any sign of attention given to someone a "stroke": a smile, a compliment, a criticism, a reply to a message. Berne considered this need to be recognised as fundamental. A classic principle of transactional analysis follows from it: for the person concerned, negative recognition is often better than no recognition at all.
This principle helps to make sense of some behaviours that seem absurd: a child who misbehaves to get attention, or an adult who keeps reigniting the same conflict. Claude Steiner, a close associate of Berne, showed how rules learnt in childhood ("don't ask", "don't give compliments") can make these strokes scarce and precious (Steiner, 1974). He also distinguished between conditional strokes, linked to what we do, and unconditional strokes, linked to who we are.
3. Karpman's drama triangle
In 1968, Stephen Karpman, a student of Berne, proposed a simple figure to describe "psychological games": repetitive, partly unconscious exchanges that end badly for everyone (Karpman, 1968). Three roles feed off one another:
| Role | What it does | Underlying life position |
|---|---|---|
| Persecutor | Blames, criticises, controls; feels superior | "I'm OK, you're not OK" |
| Rescuer | Helps without being asked, does things for the other person; feels indispensable | "I'm OK, you're not OK" |
| Victim | Complains, feels powerless, waits for the other person to act | "I'm not OK, you're OK" |
The "life positions" in the last column were described by Berne, then represented by Franklin Ernst in his "OK Corral" grid (Ernst, 1971). The engine of the triangle is the role switch: the exhausted Rescuer becomes the Persecutor ("after everything I've done for you!"), the Victim turns on the person who was helping. The conflict then goes round in circles, with everyone moving from one role to another.
Important: the "Victim" role is distinct from being a real victim
In the triangle, "Victim" refers to a stance that anyone can take in an exchange: complaining without looking for a solution, waiting to be rescued. This is something quite different from actually suffering violence, harassment or coercive control.
A person experiencing domestic violence is not "playing" the Victim, and the abuser bears sole responsibility for the abuse, which belongs to a different order from a "Persecutor" role in a three-way game. Applying the triangle to these situations would mean sharing out responsibility where it lies with one person alone, and making the person on the receiving end feel guilty. If you are experiencing violence, contact your local domestic abuse helpline (in the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, free and available 24/7; in France, 3919, Violences Femmes Info, free, anonymous and available 24/7); if you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (999 in the UK, 911 in North America, 112 in the EU; 17 in France). To understand these situations, see our article on the dynamics of coercive control and manipulation.
4. How to step out of the triangle
Spotting your favourite role is already a first step: who has never offered help without being asked, then felt poorly rewarded? In 1990, Acey Choy proposed a "winner's triangle", which transforms each role into a more balanced attitude (Choy, 1990):
| Instead of… | … you can aim to be | In practice |
|---|---|---|
| Persecutor | Assertive | Saying clearly what you want or refuse, without humiliating or punishing |
| Rescuer | Caring | Offering help, asking whether it is wanted, letting the other person do their share |
| Victim | Vulnerable | Acknowledging your difficulty and actively looking for solutions, including by asking for help |
This often means tolerating a little discomfort: holding back from rushing in to help, setting a limit without aggression, or expressing a need instead of waiting for it to be guessed.
5. The life script
Berne also described the "life script": a life plan drawn up in childhood under the influence of parental messages, which then pushes the person in a certain direction, whether they fight it or believe it to be freely chosen (Berne, 1972). Robert and Mary Goulding described the "injunctions" that feed it, those often implicit messages such as "don't succeed", "don't be close" or "don't feel" (Goulding and Goulding, 1979).
The idea is less fatalistic than it seems: since these decisions were made by a child in order to adapt, the adult can become aware of them and make different ones. This is the principle of "redecision" developed by the Gouldings.
6. What does research say?
Transactional analysis is first and foremost a clinical theory, built on observation. Its scientific validation varies from one concept to another:
- Transactional analysis as a psychotherapy has been the subject of a meta-analysis of 41 studies: it shows medium effects on symptoms and social functioning, and larger ones on self-efficacy (Vos and van Rijn, 2022). The authors remain cautious, as the quality of the studies varies.
- The drama triangle, on the other hand, has hardly been studied as such. A few questionnaires have been proposed to measure psychological games (for example Huang, 2021), but none has yet been robustly validated.
- In practice, these ideas are therefore best taken as tools for reflecting on your relationships, rather than as proven psychological laws.
Frequently asked questions
Does everyone play the drama triangle?
Many recurring conflicts can be read through this framework, but difficult relationships take many forms beyond "games". Some situations, such as violence or coercive control, call for an entirely different reading.
Is helping someone always playing the Rescuer?
Helping becomes a Rescuer role when it has not been asked for, when it does things in the other person's place, or when it serves mainly to make you feel indispensable. Offering help and respecting the answer is a healthy attitude.
Can I get out of these patterns on my own?
Spotting them is sometimes enough to loosen them. When they are deeply rooted, linked to a painful history or a source of great suffering, therapeutic support can help.
In a nutshell
The drama triangle is a useful mirror for spotting the roles we play in recurring conflicts.
It sheds light on our everyday relationships, and responsibility in situations of violence or coercive control must always remain clearly with the person who commits it.
References
- Berne, E. (1964). Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. New York: Grove Press. French translation: Des jeux et des hommes, Stock.
- Berne, E. (1972). What Do You Say After You Say Hello? New York: Grove Press. French translation: Que dites-vous après avoir dit bonjour ?, Tchou.
- Choy, A. (1990). The winner’s triangle. Transactional Analysis Journal, 20(1), 40-46.
- Ernst, F. H. (1971). The OK Corral: The grid for get-on-with. Transactional Analysis Journal, 1(4), 231-240.
- Goulding, M. M., & Goulding, R. L. (1979). Changing Lives through Redecision Therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel.
- Huang, I. (2021). Development of a Psychological Game Questionnaire. International Journal of Transactional Analysis Research & Practice, 12(2), 25-32. Link
- Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43. Link
- Steiner, C. (1974). Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts. New York: Grove Press.
- Vos, J., & van Rijn, B. (2022). The effectiveness of transactional analysis treatments and their predictors: A systematic literature review and explorative meta-analysis. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. Link
This article offers general guidance, up to date at the date of publication. It is no substitute for the advice of a doctor, who alone can make a diagnosis, or for support from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
